Help Desk Hell - Help!

My arrival in San Ramon yesterday afternoon was met with NO internet service! That is not acceptable since the internet is my lifeline during my weekends at my dad’s. He informed me that his caregiver couldn’t get online the night before either and she is a “retired engineer”. Houston, we have a problem.

Only 3 of the 4 lights were lit on the modem so I called the 800 number for AT&T DSL and the nice sounding "recording man" told me to turn it off for 30 seconds then turn it back on. The "recording man" then said if that didn’t fix the problem to call back and we would pick up where we left off. Does anyone else feel just a little bit stupid talking to those recordings on the phone as if they are a real person? As hard as I try, I just can’t sound natural when I answer their questions.

Anyway, that didn’t fix the problem. In fact, it was worse – now there were NO lights lit on the modem AND the cordless phone wouldn’t work. I called the 800 number back from the wired phone in my dad’s bedroom and apparently, my problem was too much for the "recording man" to handle so I was connected to a real person, Ben. My guess is that Ben is not the name given to him by his mother. His accent was fairly thick and I’m pretty sure I was talking to him in India.

First Ben asked if I checked all the plugs and connections. I’m one step ahead of you, Ben. Yes, I checked them and they are fine. Hell, I even brought in a lamp to make sure that worked when plugged into the strip and the outlets. Ben asked me if any of the lights were lit on the modem now. I told him I had to run into the other room to find out. He said to take my time. No, they weren’t lit.

About this time, my dad starts yelling in to me that there is picture on my computer. I asked Ben to hold for a minute and ran in to see if I was connected. The computer had gone to the screen saver so my dad was seeing my travel photos. I apologized to Ben and he said that was okay.

Then Ben asked me to find the brand name and model number of the modem. Hang on again, Ben, while I run back in there. When I gave him the modem info he said that I needed to order a new modem. But, I told Ben, I need it today, not in a few days. He insisted he could connect me to the department to order one. I tried again - Ben, I need it today. At that point he said I could also order one online. Stay with me here, Ben. I have NO functioning internet. How can I order one online????? Besides, I need it TODAY.

Ben really didn’t have any other suggestions for me. My intuition told me that we really didn’t need a new modem so I thanked him for his time and said I would figure something out. I pushed every plug again and jiggled every connection. Once again I unplugged the modem then plugged it in again a minute later. Still no luck so I tried turning it off one more time. Low and behold, the lights all lit up!  The third time must indeed be the charm – that, and the fact that the universal fix for all of these electronic gadgets is to reboot.

I would have been driving all over hell and back looking for modems that I didn’t need if I’d listened to Ben – but fortunately, I didn’t and I am happily typing away on my internet connected blog!  I’m wondering, do I have a second career as a help desk person waiting for me? After all, I solved this problem much better than Ben. And I most definitely have a good command of the English language – without a hint of an Indian accent.